On Jealousy

I started writing this post as a response to a meme on Facebook, but it got long, so I am putting it here. 🙂

The meme in question:

Image may contain: text that says "Polyamory Memes @polyphiliablog Jealousy isn't cute. The idea idea that it's "adorable" or "romantic" when your partner gets jealous, angry, and possessive over you is toxic thinking. It isn't loving to want your partner to feel such negative emotions as proof of their love for you. 1:57 AM.6 AM 6/1/2021 TweetDeck"

Allow me to talk about jealousy for a bit. It is a hotly debated topic in polyam circles, but a lot of what I have learned over the years is relevant to monogamous relationships as well.

Let me start by saying, I am not a very jealous person. I don’t expect to control my partners and I get testy when they try and control me. Usually, when someone I am involved with does sexual/romantic things with someone else, the thing that upsets me is them hiding it or keeping it a secret much more than the actual details of what happened. This has been true for me long before I even knew that polyamory was a thing.

That being said, I have felt something resembling jealousy, and what I have learned is that it almost always is a sign of something else.

Jealousy is a symptom. The trick is working out the cause. In recent years, mostly when I feel something like this it is because I have reservations about the person in question (by which I mean the person my partner is interested in). When we work on identifying and resolving those reservations, the feeling goes away. This is definitely helped by the fact that he has learned to trust my gut, so if I have strong “NOPE” feelings about a person, he will proceed with caution. We don’t do veto (because I have no interest in controlling him and vice versa), but he does take my instincts into account. This is something that has been built though, based on my gut having a pretty good track record. 🙂

In previous years, it has usually been a symptom of insecurity, or concern that the “new shiny person” will be more interesting than me and ultimately push me out of the picture. This is a direct result of this actually happening to me in a past relationship. My current relationship, however, is solid, so as time has passed and I have moved further away from the event that resulted in this insecurity, it has become less of an issue.

In mono relationships, I think it is amplified by the exclusivity narrative. I tend to think that if you or your partner is ‘straying’, then there is a conversation that needs to happen about why, what needs are not being met, what is driving this behaviour. My experience has been that OFTEN it is not actually anything to do with the existing partner, and frequently there is something else going on there. However, this often doesn’t even get looked at in mono relationships because it gets buried under a mountain of blame and betrayal and the over-simplified idea that the cheater is ALWAYS the villain of the piece no matter what the circumstances. Spoiler: humans are a lot more complicated than that. 😉

Don’t get me wrong, it’s never a good thing to break whatever commitments you have made in relationships, and there are definitely some people are not good at healthy relationships. I have been that person. I have cheated, been cheated on, and been cheated with, so I am fairly well versed in all sides of this story. But I think because we have oversimplified the ‘exclusivity’ narrative to something like “If you would even LOOK at someone else, you obviously don’t love me”, a lot of nuance gets lost. For me, it had absolutely nothing to do with the person I was with, and everything to do with the way my brain was connecting (or not) at the time.

Sometimes, though, jealousy is straight up a symptom of controlling, narcissistic abuse. If your partner won’t let you go out wearing makeup, or won’t let you go out with your friends without them, or gets upset literally any time you talk to another human of whom they have not approved, insists on having access to your personal messages, phone, emails, then you need to GET THE FUCK OUT. This level of jealousy is a big ol’ red flag no matter what your relationship structure. It’s not cute, it’s definitely not proof of love, it’s a problem that is only going to get worse. It is, in many ways, a violence, and is often a precursor to actual physical violence. People don’t and should not OWN or BELONG to each other in the sense of property.

Also, totally anecdotally, but it has been my experience that people who behave in these ways do so often because they are expecting you to behave the way they do. So there’s a good chance that if they accuse you of cheating every time you leave the house without them, it is because they are. That’s not the point though – if someone is displaying this level of controlling behaviour, the best thing you can do for yourself is leave as soon as possible.

The thing is, jealousy is an emotion, and like so many emotions, is a valid thing which there is no point repressing or denying. However, if you want to handle it healthily, the trick is to drill down and try and find the source of it. Is it insecurity? Why do you feel insecure? Is it concern? What’s concerning you? Your emotions are valid and real, but that doesn’t give you a free pass to act like an asscactus. It certainly doesn’t give you a free pass to try and control and manipulate your partner(s).

If you treat it like physical pain – as an early warning system for something being wrong – then it can be a very powerful tool. “Oh, I am feeling jealousy. What is going on here? Where is this coming from?”

I’m a big advocate for the idea that if you’re in a relationship, you’re a team. If you treat this sort of thing as “Us vs the problem” instead of “You vs me”, then it is much more likely to be resolved. That doesn’t mean every conversation is easy. Sometimes these conversation are really hard, especially if your ways of processing things are different. But if you want a healthy relationship, regardless of what structure you choose, then these things are worth talking about.

As always, my advice comes down to TALK TO EACH OTHER. Communication is the foundation of a good relationship, always, no matter the circumstances. Jealousy can be fraught with peril, but if you address it healthily it can uncover some much deeper things that, once addressed, will make you stronger (or let you know you need to get out).

Please, Give Me Time

My loves.

This is the time of year when a lot of people get the urge to send me things. I am always grateful, please don’t get me wrong. I love getting random mail from critters and wolfenati alike, as well as from those of you not as easily categorised.

Honestly, though, we have SO MUCH STUFF.

What I really need is time. And the good news is, you can give that to me!

My greatest heart’s desire right now is to have the financial freedom to quit my day job and do all this crazy internet stuff I do full time. I don’t know what you call a person who builds communities and makes magical things happen and spreads kindness and joy and raises money for charities and makes nifty content, but that is what I want to be when I grow up. I try to be that now. But I have to do it around the edges of my life because of frikkin’ bills.

Everything you see me do and create and accomplish online I do pretty much between the hours of 5:00am and 6:30am. An hour and a half of focussed attention each day. I will try to squeeze in bits and pieces of other things during the day, but the bulk of it happens then. That’s about 7.5 hours a week.

Take a moment, and imagine what I could do if I added the 16 hours I currently spend at the Zoo, if I could focus that energy on Critter Gifting, Sparabel, Wolfenoot, The Raven.

What I’m asking for, this year, is time. And you can give it to me by becoming my patron. The best possible way is to become a patron of either my Bardic Inspiration Patreon or Wolfenoot. The second best is to subscribe on Twitch.

For as little as a single dollar a month, you could give me the time and freedom to really pursue this stuff, to really pour my energy into it, instead of trying to keep all these balls up around the edges of my life.

I have run the numbers, and I can move on this when I am clearing US$2500 in total, per month. That covers fees and taxes and all of my share of the bills, with just a tiny bit left over for, you know, clothes for our rapidly expanding children (geez, kids grow fast), and car servicing and whatnot.

That’s the goal. Right now I am sitting at about US$900. That leaves $1600, which is really not that huge a target, given the size and magic of my communities.

Humans, please, help me make this a reality. Become a patron. For less the price of a cup of coffee a month, you can help to give me my heart’s desire.

Here’s a list of the ways you can support me, in order of helpfulness (to me, specifically):

The Sparabel Website also has a store and a comprehensive list of all our projects and the ways, financial and otherwise, you can support us.

You could change my life. I love random mail, and will always be grateful for it. But this year, if you want to do something amazing for me, please, give me time. ❤

Subverting Karen Energy

This one is for my fellow middle-aged white women.

There is a thing I have been thinking about a lot recently. If you are a white woman of a certain age, you have what I think of as Karen energy. You have it whether you want it or not. This is one of those things about privilege. You don’t get to decide you don’t want it, you only get to decide what to do with it.

What I mean by Karen energy is this. It is simply that if you complain loudly, you are more likely to be taken note of and paid attention to by the Authorities and the Powers That Be than many other demographics. That’s just one of those things that is true. It shouldn’t be, but it is.

So, with great power comes great responsibility, right?

I have been working on figuring out ways to subvert that Karen energy and use it for good. In short, what that means is using your loud white female voice to stand up for people who don’t have access to it, instead of using it to maintain your privilege (which is what the more traditional “Karen” does, yeah?)

Back when I was a single Mom on the benefit, I would occasionally have to go into WINZ for interviews, etc. I almost always got better treatment there than many of the other people who were there for the same reasons. Because I am a white woman, with a pretty accent who is good at words. There was a day when I had an appointment at a particular time. They were backed up (they always are), and time flowed past as we waited. Also waiting was a young, maybe 20-year-old, Pacifica woman with two very small children – a breastfeeding infant and a toddler who was gradually getting more bored and tired and therefore rowdy.

I went up to the counter and politely told them that I would have to leave at a particular time because I had another commitment, and they started hustling to make sure I got my appointment. I then added, “That woman has been here longer than me, with two small kids. I can come back relatively easily, but that’s probably not true for her. Could you maybe help her out, too?” And they did. I had seen her go up and try and get them to help several times and be sent back to her seat. When I (politely) threw my weight about it, however, she got helped.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it is some bullshit that I get listened to when others don’t. However, if the world is going to insist on keeping that true, I am going to use that power to help the people who get ignored.

This also means loudly complaining when someone is being racist in public. This also means asking for the manager when a member of public is being an ass to a 19 year old barista and querying why on earth they let people talk to their staff that way? (This gives managers ammo, you see – “Excuse me, Sir, but we’ve had a complaint…”) It means getting up in the white suit’s face when he pushes in front of a young black woman in a queue (assuming you can do so safely – white women are still women, and there is still peril in that.). It means being the one to stand up in the workplace when your younger, less secure colleagues are being unfairly treated.

Karen energy, but subverted for good. White folks, we can’t deny our privilege. We can’t pretend it’s not there. But you’d better believe that we can use it to stand between the bigots and their victims. You’d better believe we can use it as a weapon against the system that gave it to us, unfairly. And, quite honestly, if you are a vaguely decent human being with a white skin, that is what you will do. It is our responsibility, in my opinion, to use our unfair advantages to level the playing field as much as we can.

So join me. If you’re a white woman of “Karen” age, help me subvert that energy and use it for good. Start using that voice that is listened to to say something of value. Start making a fuss about things that matter. Amplify the voices that need to be heard.

Step up.

 

Our pole dancing protagonist

Several years ago I took my lazy, unfit ass off to a pole-dancing class. My instructor, Chennay, was a shining bouncing wonder of a human, full of love and actual genuine positivity – the kind born out of struggle. I fell in love. With pole. (And a little bit with Chennay, in a non-romantic way. 😉 )

I have flirted with pole ever since, trying to find ways to incorporate it into my life, despite both budgetary and time pressures. About, oh, I dunno, a year ago? I stopped going. Because I couldn’t give it the time I felt I needed to in order to make actual progress, and my lack of progress was making me feel like a failure.

A couple of days ago I had a conversation with Adam about how I keep putting off going back because there is always something else that needs to take priority, and he said, “When are you going to prioritise yourself?”

Here’s the thing. When I am doing pole, my brain is better. My body is stronger, and that makes me healthier, gives me more energy, and makes me less mentally unstable. There’s just no denying the benefits to me.

So I am going back. Four times a week, this time (though one of those is a hoops class, because I wanna branch out a little). This is… not a cheap endeavour, but we have rearranged the budget enough to make it work. Because I need this.

On my Bardic Inspiration patreon, I have promised that if I hit $250 I will post a video of my pole expertise (don’t laugh 😛 ) to patrons. Because that would more than cover the classes and the gear.

If anything I have ever done has inspired you or made your life better, please consider becoming a patron. You can help me do this thing that really, genuinely has a massive positive effect on my mental health.

Also you’ll get awesome badges! The BI logo is a d20 with a bee! Those are two of the objectively coolest things in the world! 😉

logo

(I really love that logo.)

Please, consider helping me with this. ❤ 

Stay awesome, nerds.

 

On Cancel Culture and Consequences

I’m gonna quibble over semantics in this post. Bear with me.

Cancel culture is not the same as consequences. Cancel culture is gross and toxic. Consequences are not.

Here’s how I see the difference.

Mike* has a reasonably large internet following for some reason and has built a business out of it – merch, public appearances, whatever. Mike goes on a diatribe about, say BLM or LGBTQ rights and how fucking stupid they are. It turns out, with some digging, that Mike has also publicly said some stupid racist shit, and that this is something that happens a lot. When the inevitable backlash begins, Mike posts a non-apology. You know the ones. “I am sorry if what I said offended anyone; I was just saying how I feel. It’s just my opinion.” Mike’s business tanks and he vanishes into the internet graveyard reserved for people with shitty opinions.

These are consequences. This is happening in real time. Mike had an opportunity to genuinely do some soul searching and do better, and instead he chose to double down behind “it’s just my opinion”. He deserves what he got.

Paul** was a bit of a dick in his youth. He said some stupid racist shit on Twitter. Since then he has read a lot of books and watched a lot of talks by people who know their shit and he has listened to their lived experience and learned better. He now makes solid internet content that is informed by his growth as a person and tries to keep learning and be better all the time. But, alas, someone digs up some of those shitty tweets and uses them as evidence that Paul is actually a racist piece of shit. Paul comes out and takes ownership of said shitty tweets, agrees that they are shitty and explains that he has done loads of work in the intervening years to get past that crappy viewpoint and now still constantly works to be better. The mob doesn’t care and Paul is cancelled, with no account given for the work he has done in the interim.

This is cancel culture, and is toxic. Because it doesn’t allow for the fact that people grow and change and learn to be better. I really think before we throw the baby away with the bathwater, we need to stop and consider which of these categories we’re dealing with.

People can and do change. Isn’t that what so much of our work is predicated on? I have to believe people can learn to be better, or everything I do is a waste of time, including this post. We need to encourage that, not destroy people for once having held a terrible viewpoint.

I remember seeing something once about how we shouldn’t punish people for doing the thing we keep asking them to do. If your kid never comes and hangs out with you, and then one day they do, it’s counterproductive to go “Oh! Look who decided to join us!” because you don’t know what it cost them to give it a try. “Oh hey, it was awesome to hang with you today” is far more likely to encourage the behaviour.

So when we see people GENUINELY (this bit is important) trying to learn and be better, when we see people who have actively moved themselves from a place of bigotry or casual racism/sexism/homophobia to BE BETTER, can we maybe say to them, “Wow, look how far you have come! I am so proud of you!” instead of “Gods, you once had a terrible opinion, you are now a PARIAH FOREVER.”

That’s not encouraging people to change, my loves. ❤

This is one of my life mantras:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then do better.” – Maya Angelou. (Paraphrased slightly to make it an imperative. 😉 )

 

* Mike is a fictional example
** Paul is also a fictional example

My brain is an asshole

Being in New Zealand right now, in the era of COVID19, is a very weird thing. I am in enough touch with the world that I am watching other countries still in intense crisis – and, in many cases, getting worse.

In New Zealand, we have had two new cases in the last week. We’re back at work, kids are back at school. It’s not back to normal, exactly, just yet, but we’re all more or less getting on with our lives.

This is doing a number on my mental health. While it was Big Super Crisis, I was actually handling it okay. There were ups and downs, of course, but for the most part, I was coping. This week has messed me up, though. I think it’s because I’m trying to exist with a foot in each space – on the one hand, prep for Level 1 where my job will (presumably) go back to normal (mostly), and everything will mozy on the way it was; on the other hand, prep for a second wave where we all have to lock that shit down again. Because we really don’t know which way it is going to go.

And then there’s the fact that it feels like here in NZ we exist in this bizarre privileged bubble where this thing that is ravaging the world is leaving us largely untouched, but also not, you know, because we are still part of the world, and so we are still feeling effects of it. But I feel like an asshole for struggling mentally and emotionally when I am so damned lucky to be in what is arguably one of the safest countries in the world right now.

And then there’s the thing where, as long as we’re in crisis, I can function, because I have to, because I operate well in crisis mode (I lived there for years), and I will do what needs to be done. But now that things are chilling out, all that stress and mental upheaval is coming home to roost and I just want to cry and curl up and sleep for days. But, we’re back to normal! So I can’t, because I have to do Normal Things.

In short, my brain is an asshole. And I would like to trade it in for a better model, now, please.

Something’s gotta give

Okay, so in the last two years I have basically kept myself running on determination, caffeine and fear of failure.

I can’t do it any more. I am pretty much going from burnout to burnout. I never fully recover before I hit the ground and I’m moving again, chasing the next thing, trying to catch up.

I thought if I did it long enough that the various online things would start to make enough money that I could “quit my dayjob” and do this stuff full time. I kept telling myself that this was only temporary until that happened. But it hasn’t happened. There have been surges, but it’s never hit the point where I could actually turn my focus fully on it.

And it’s reaching a point where none of it is really bringing me joy any more. So something has to change.

The part that is soul-destroying is the hustle. The constant marketing, the constant “be a patron, here’s my kofi, subscribe, follow, hit the button, support me”, is just killing me, you guys. I just want to do the things while also being able to eat, but it’s not working.

Or it is, but not enough, not so that I can stop hustling and just do the work. Just enough to constantly make me feel like it’s just around the corner. Which, honestly, is harder to handle than complete failure would be, I think.

Anyway, so what I am going to do is, over the next couple of weeks I will be pruning my commitments. I will fulfill anything I have already promised to people who are paying me, but apart from that, I will be taking a good long look at my stupid list of projects and picking the things that I actually WANT to do. Which means also unravelling the complex web of guilt and commitment and “should” that is wrapped around it all.

I can tell you the Twitch story reading will continue, because that is genuinely fun.

I can tell you that Wolfenoot will continue, but my focus will probably narrow and shift a bit.

Apart from that, I don’t yet know what it’s going to look like. But I do know I need to refocus on the passion and figure out what actually feeds my soul and what’s just hurting me. Because if I don’t, by the time I can do it full time, there won’t be any fire or joy left.

This is TERRIFYING. It feels like giving up. It feels like accepting that it’ll never be enough, *I’ll* never be enough, to have the life I want. But I think it needs doing.

As always, those of you who have supported me, who continue to support me, my patrons, my friends, the people who own all my books, I can never, ever express how grateful I am. This is not the end of all of that. I just need to figure out how to work healthier, and what I can let go of.

I love you. I’m so sorry if this makes you feel let down.

Ask Jax Anything (Part 19)

Learn from my Motherfucking Mistakes (An Occasional Series)

Got a question for me? Ask it here. I see only what you put in the textbox, so it can be totally anonymous.

I am going to catch up on a few in this post, because I have been ignoring this for a while.

Can I have a hug ?

You can certainly have a cyberhug.

Best idea for Bardic Inspiration tokens?

Hm. I kind of like the idea of something wearable. Maybe little music note pendants that players can wear temporarily?

I am dating a married woman. I’m non monogamous, but her husband is not. She hasn’t replied to any of my texts for a few days, which is entirely unlike her, after 18 months or more of seeing her. She might be very ill, as she has been having issues. What should I do?

Oh, my darling. I realise this situation has probably moved on now, but this definitely sounds like an affair, and affairs are tricky beasts. As someone who has been in this position (ahem), I will say that it is a rocky treacherous path to walk, and requires a not insignificant ability to accept your own lack of control.

A lot depends on the situation. I am assuming her husband is unaware of your dalliance, and so you can’t just straight up ask him without potentially causing other issues. If that is the case, then I am very sorry but all you can do is wait, as awful and heart-wrenching as that is.

Unfortunately, the cost of a relationship of this kind is that you sometimes just don’t know, and you have to learn to live with that. If that is not something you can live with, you may need to consider changing the relationship, one way or another.

I wish you peace and a good outcome. ❤

Hi Jax,
Rather random ask about names. I’m at a loss of what to do, and it’s one of those silly things I guess.

When I found out that I was pregnant, my partner and I asked their parents what they wanted to be called; Nana, Poppy, Grandma, Grandpa, Nanny, Pa, They choose to keep the names that the other grandkids were using, and we were happy enough to go along with that. Asked Partners Nana and Grandpa and they are Great Nana and Great Grandpa. That’s the easy part of it.

When I was a teenager both my parents passed away (within 4 years of each other), I have no grandparents alive either (Nan and Mum passed away within 10 months of each other, my other grandparents passed either before I was born, or when I was 4 years old). Both parents have been gone between 15-20 years ago.

My Dad had other children from a previous marriage, and my nieces and nephews called him Poppy or Pop, So I’m thinking of just going along with that, he was happy with that, and I can’t ask him about it. 

However it’s my Mum who is causing difficulties. I know I am over thinking this. My younger sister who had her first child almost 10 years ago has always called Mum “Nana-in-Heaven” for her children. This makes me cringe to then nth degree, I don’t know why, it just doesn’t sit or feel right to me.

As we seem to talk about Mum more often than Dad, I didn’t really notice that she also calls Dad “Poppy-in-Heaven”. That also just makes me cringe as well. I don’t know if maybe it’s too much of an overshare, it’s a mouthful, it just makes me cringe.

I can’t ask Mum if she wants to be a Nan, Nana, Grams, Nonna, Grandma, Glam-ma, or heck even if she wants or likes Nana-in-Heaven. I’m thinking maybe Nana [Mum’s Name], however it doesn’t really seem ‘right’ to me. My Nan, use to be Nana Betty to my aunt’s best-friends kids, who didn’t have any grandparents. Also calling someone Aunty or Uncle to a close family friend was a sign of respect.

It’s not something any of us thought to ask Mum when she was sick, “Hey by the way when we have kids, in case you’re not around any longer, do you wanna be Nan or Grandma?”

The doctors had given us so much mixed, Your Mum is improving, we’ve moved her outta ICU, to we don’t think she’s gonna make it, back to she’s doing great and will be released in the next week. For majority of the time Mum was either in a drug induced coma, or was that medicated she didn’t know what day of the week it was. There were only a few days when she was coherent enough to talk to us, or even understand that she was in hospital, and her telling me she didn’t want to die in hospital (which she had also been vocal about not wanting to die in a hospital.)

I’m wanting to put together a little photo book for Little One, with the names of our family, so they can learn, that’s Aunty Emily, that’s Uncle Stuart, that’s cousin Carla, that’s Nana, that’s Poppy, and this is the thing that is holding me up, this is the roadblock I have.

At the moment when I show Little One photos of my Mum and I, when I was a baby, I’m saying that’s Mum and her Mummy, which I’m guessing could get confusing.

Any advice, ideas, something? please thank you Jax

❤ Orphaned

Oh, my love, what a difficult thing. My instinct is to just go with something simple, like maybe Nana [name]? If Nana is a name generally used in your family, maybe simply differentiate it by using her name? 

The “in heaven” thing feels cringy to me too, but that probably has a lot to do with me not actually believing in heaven. It feels very… hallmark movie. At the end of the day, though, you have to find something that feels right for you, regardless of what the rest of your family does.

That’s the best idea I have. I hope you find (or have found) something that works for you. ❤

Project Update

Every six months or so, I do my best to post one of these so that you can get a feel for all the many balls I am juggling, and maybe spot something you might have missed.

Wolfenoot

Wolfenoot has now been around for over a year! If you don’t know about it, the short version is that I posted on social media about a holiday my kid had invented and it turned into a movement.

You can read more about it on the Wolfenoot website.

We also have a twitter account, a facebook page, and four facebook groups: one general group, one for crafters, one for fundraising and one for memorials of animals that people have lost.

We have a RedBubble Store, and a CafePress Store (both very much works in progress) and we have a book. ALL the merch benefits charities. I plan to spend some time working on the whole Wolfenoot merch thing this year, because this is all still a bit ad hoc.

Oh, and a podcast. We’ve recorded a new one and it’ll be going up as soon as I have edited it. 🙂

It has been quite a ride, but I think I am starting to get a handle on the direction of this thing, and I am confident it is only going to get better from here. 🙂

If you would like to support Wolfenoot, following us on any or all of those platforms would be great, but you can also throw a few dollars a month into our Patreon and get some patron only bits and pieces and help me keep this thing alive.

The Patchwork Raven

Things have been a bit quiet at the Raven, as Will and his wife, Janna, had a beautiful baby girl, and he’s had some other big projects going on. I’ve obviously been a bit distracted with Wolfenoot.

We do have some books you can buy from our website. And there are some others in the works. I’m hoping to give the Raven a bit more attention this year.

We have a Raven Patreon, where you can subscribe to get art postcards or illuminated story manuscripts in your postbox (or inbox if physical stuff isn’t your jam) every month.

We’ve been working with KT Obermanns on these beautiful illuminated manuscripts every month. We’re working out what to do with the full set of the Zodiac ones and will soon be in search of stories for the next round. This is perhaps the one project I wish would get more attention, because they are so frikkin’ cool. I’d love you to take a look.

Here’s some teaser art:

Click through for more information.

 

The Critterverse

I run Critter Gifting, which is an astonishing community of Critters from around the world who send each other wonderful things.

We’re just wrapping up our biggest and most successful Critmas thus far!

We have a website, and we have a Twitter account. I have so many plans for this! There are exciting things in store for the Critter Gifting world. 🙂

Jax, the writer and editor

Sometimes I try to remember that before I was a crazy juggling administrative guru, I was also a writer and editor.

I still write stories and other things here, from time to time, for the people who drop tips in my jar.

I also have an advice column, complete with stories about my mistakes and some strong language. 😉 It’s a bit sporadic, but if you have anything you’d like to ask me, this is where to do it.

You can also follow me on Facebook (my profile is mostly public these days) or on my “official page”, or on Twitter.

MeBooks

I run the Facebook page for meBooks, which is mostly nerdy stuff about books and Kiwi publishing, but we also have a lot of historical fiction and non-fiction, mostly New Zealand historical texts. Some of it is fascinating. When I find time, I read meBooks books and talk about them on the meBooks website. I’ve read a lot of things I would not normally have read. It’s pretty great.

 

As you can see, I have a lot on my plate! This doesn’t even count my actual job (at the Hamilton Zoo) or parenting, or, you know, life. I’m a bit of a maniac. But if you’d like to support me by following or buying or subscribing to any of the things in this multitude of links, that would be so wonderful.

Or if you just like the work I do and want to buy me a coffee, you can do that here.

I thank you and love you all. ❤

My Relationship: A Snapshot

Last night, Adam and I were watching Critical Role. (We’re behind – still trying to catch up on C2.) Liam was wearing a shirt with this on it:

Image result for abibliophobia

Adam: You need that shirt!
Jax: I really do. *gestures around at the shelves full of books*
Jax *thinks* You know, maybe if I took like a year off from absolutely everything and did nothing but read, then I could probably get through them all.
Adam: No, you couldn’t.
Jax: I could though. I mean, just the ones I haven’t read already.
Adam: Yeah, but you’d just buy more.
Jax: Well, no, I mean, I wouldn’t be allowed to buy more till I finished what I had.
Adam: You’d still PROCURE more. You’d whinge on social media about not being allowed to buy books, and boxes of books would start showing up.
Jax: I mean, probably not BOXES.
Adam: BOXES.
Jax: Well… I mean. Hm. Maybe I should whinge….
Adam: WE HAVE NO SPACE!
Jax: *has mouth full of food – gestures wildly at shelves*
Adam: And if we double stack all the shelves, we won’t have space for all the minis!!
Jax: *starts to choke/laugh*
Adam: That’s what you were going to suggest, wasn’t it?
Jax: *nods; swallows* I mean. You’re not wrong. *sigh*