Learn from my Motherfucking Mistakes (An Occasional Series)
Got a question for me? Ask it here. I see only what you put in the textbox, so it can be totally anonymous.
I am going to catch up on a few in this post, because I have been ignoring this for a while.
Can I have a hug ?
You can certainly have a cyberhug.
Best idea for Bardic Inspiration tokens?
Hm. I kind of like the idea of something wearable. Maybe little music note pendants that players can wear temporarily?
I am dating a married woman. I’m non monogamous, but her husband is not. She hasn’t replied to any of my texts for a few days, which is entirely unlike her, after 18 months or more of seeing her. She might be very ill, as she has been having issues. What should I do?
Oh, my darling. I realise this situation has probably moved on now, but this definitely sounds like an affair, and affairs are tricky beasts. As someone who has been in this position (ahem), I will say that it is a rocky treacherous path to walk, and requires a not insignificant ability to accept your own lack of control.
A lot depends on the situation. I am assuming her husband is unaware of your dalliance, and so you can’t just straight up ask him without potentially causing other issues. If that is the case, then I am very sorry but all you can do is wait, as awful and heart-wrenching as that is.
Unfortunately, the cost of a relationship of this kind is that you sometimes just don’t know, and you have to learn to live with that. If that is not something you can live with, you may need to consider changing the relationship, one way or another.
I wish you peace and a good outcome. ❤
Rather random ask about names. I’m at a loss of what to do, and it’s one of those silly things I guess.
When I found out that I was pregnant, my partner and I asked their parents what they wanted to be called; Nana, Poppy, Grandma, Grandpa, Nanny, Pa, They choose to keep the names that the other grandkids were using, and we were happy enough to go along with that. Asked Partners Nana and Grandpa and they are Great Nana and Great Grandpa. That’s the easy part of it.
When I was a teenager both my parents passed away (within 4 years of each other), I have no grandparents alive either (Nan and Mum passed away within 10 months of each other, my other grandparents passed either before I was born, or when I was 4 years old). Both parents have been gone between 15-20 years ago.
My Dad had other children from a previous marriage, and my nieces and nephews called him Poppy or Pop, So I’m thinking of just going along with that, he was happy with that, and I can’t ask him about it.
However it’s my Mum who is causing difficulties. I know I am over thinking this. My younger sister who had her first child almost 10 years ago has always called Mum “Nana-in-Heaven” for her children. This makes me cringe to then nth degree, I don’t know why, it just doesn’t sit or feel right to me.
As we seem to talk about Mum more often than Dad, I didn’t really notice that she also calls Dad “Poppy-in-Heaven”. That also just makes me cringe as well. I don’t know if maybe it’s too much of an overshare, it’s a mouthful, it just makes me cringe.
I can’t ask Mum if she wants to be a Nan, Nana, Grams, Nonna, Grandma, Glam-ma, or heck even if she wants or likes Nana-in-Heaven. I’m thinking maybe Nana [Mum’s Name], however it doesn’t really seem ‘right’ to me. My Nan, use to be Nana Betty to my aunt’s best-friends kids, who didn’t have any grandparents. Also calling someone Aunty or Uncle to a close family friend was a sign of respect.
It’s not something any of us thought to ask Mum when she was sick, “Hey by the way when we have kids, in case you’re not around any longer, do you wanna be Nan or Grandma?”
The doctors had given us so much mixed, Your Mum is improving, we’ve moved her outta ICU, to we don’t think she’s gonna make it, back to she’s doing great and will be released in the next week. For majority of the time Mum was either in a drug induced coma, or was that medicated she didn’t know what day of the week it was. There were only a few days when she was coherent enough to talk to us, or even understand that she was in hospital, and her telling me she didn’t want to die in hospital (which she had also been vocal about not wanting to die in a hospital.)
I’m wanting to put together a little photo book for Little One, with the names of our family, so they can learn, that’s Aunty Emily, that’s Uncle Stuart, that’s cousin Carla, that’s Nana, that’s Poppy, and this is the thing that is holding me up, this is the roadblock I have.
At the moment when I show Little One photos of my Mum and I, when I was a baby, I’m saying that’s Mum and her Mummy, which I’m guessing could get confusing.
Any advice, ideas, something? please thank you Jax
Oh, my love, what a difficult thing. My instinct is to just go with something simple, like maybe Nana [name]? If Nana is a name generally used in your family, maybe simply differentiate it by using her name?
The “in heaven” thing feels cringy to me too, but that probably has a lot to do with me not actually believing in heaven. It feels very… hallmark movie. At the end of the day, though, you have to find something that feels right for you, regardless of what the rest of your family does.
That’s the best idea I have. I hope you find (or have found) something that works for you. ❤