You know what’s awesome? This weekend I’m pretty satisfied with just hanging out by myself. I’ve left the house once and it was for a Very Good Cause (ie: the opportunity to read in a bathtub with millions of bubbles).
Otherwise, I’m hanging in my house in trackpants and just being alone. Being. Alone.
Do you know what this means? It means I caught up on the deficit.
Being a single mom means not having a social life, pretty much. I started to pull one together in Dunedin, but only really because I had the sort of awesome friends who came over and brought dinner. Or who were totally cool with hanging out with my four year old, or drinking whisky in my lounge while he was asleep. When you’re a single mom, with minimal baby-sitter options, you don’t get to Go Out Like a Grownup.
But since moving to Wellington, his dad is closer, and I’ve had real weekends again, and I’ve developed a social life. I do go out. I have beer in real bars with real friends. I go for walks. I wander around this amazing wonderful city. (My love affair with Wellington is a topic for a whole different post, but I will say I don’t think I’ve loved a place like this since New York, and those of you who have been reading my exploits for a while now will know how much I love New York.) I meet people for coffee, and I use public transport and I get out and see people.
It’s been amazing, really amazing. I was so isolated in Dunedin, and beaten down, and having that kind of social buzz took such a huge effort. But here it just happens. And I’ve been drinking it down like someone dying of thirst – bathing in the opportunity to spend time with people.
It’s not that I’m averse to that right now, and I have actually spent time with people this weekend too. It’s not that “oh god hide in a cave” depression type alone-time. It’s the other kind. The hang out with yourself, spend some time with your brain, catch up on the things you never have time to catch up on, solitude is nice, peace and quiet alone time.
Which means I’m not lonely any more. I’m not isolated. I’m getting enough in the way of people energy that being by myself when C is away doesn’t feel like time wasted, it feels like time reclaimed.
This is what getting back into balance feels like. Man, it has been so long I’d actually seriously forgotten what it’s like to feel like I have my feet under me and my head screwed on right. It’s awesome.