Here is my advice.
Love against all odds, love when you shouldn’t, love when it’s hard and hopeless and impossible. Love when it’s easy and everything falls into place. Love as much and as often and as rashly and with as much abandon as you can muster.
It’s going to hurt you sometimes, it’s going to explode and end and you’ll think you can’t go on without it. It’s going to bring you to your knees, it’s going to make you crazy. It’s going to destroy you, tear your heart out. Sometimes it’s going to be thrown back in your face, rejected outright.
Do it anyway.
Because it’s the point, it’s the reason, it’s the thing at the heart of us as people, and if you don’t choose love, you’ll have to choose being afraid and hidden. I’m not only talking about romantic love, either. Love your parents. And if you can’t (some people can’t, for good reason) then love your siblings. And if you can’t (some people have terrible siblings) then love your children. And if you don’t have children, love your friends. Love your hobbies. Love a TV show. Love the sun. Love the snow. Love yourself. (That last may be the hardest.)
There is an episode of Torchwood where a character has been brought back from the dead (yes, I know, that happens a lot in that show), and one of the others asks her what’s there. And she says something about how when you die there’s just darkness, and all we can do against it is scream. And I remember when I saw it, I said, “No, we can SING.”
Because that’s what we do against the darkness. We love, we SING, fiercely and violently if we have to. With as much light and strength and beauty as we can. When faced with the abyss, all we can do in the face of that is LOVE. Be the shining thing in the night. Be the light.
And if you can’t love lightly, then love darkly. If you can’t love easy, then love HARD. If you can’t love softly, then love ferociously. Afraid of the hurt? FUCK THE HURT. Love anyway. Afraid of the loneliness when love leaves? Everything ends, baby, LOVE ANYWAY. Afraid that it will break you open? Good. You should break open, we all should. It may hurt like a motherfucker, it may tear you to shreds. Do it anyway.
Because nothing is better. Nothing makes you feel like you are standing on the edge of a cliff singing into the wind like love. Nothing is as loud a song in the darkness as love. Nothing makes you feel as alive as love. It is the heart of everything. It is a choice we all make. Love or fear. Fuck fear. Love.
Face the abyss, the uncertainty, the fear. Accept that it might hurt you, probably WILL hurt you. And do it anyway.